My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
