I just cut my nipple shaving
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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