Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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