White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
