did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
