Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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