I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
