i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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