I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
