I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
