apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You ruined the universe
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
