dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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