Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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