my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am full of burrito and curiosity
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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