is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
