And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
