Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
