ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
as a side note pls kill me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
