I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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