Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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