So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize