you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
