I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
