Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
