My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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