insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
