No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
