wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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