You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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