I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
