Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
