he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
