remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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