cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
