Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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