wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize