The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
