Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
