i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
