You really coming over, don't trick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
