worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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