I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
