you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
