this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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