some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
