Jerry, you need to find god
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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