What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
