First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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