Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
