I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
