As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
