Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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