Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
