i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
