my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
