Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize