I hate your face
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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