"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
