Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
