I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
