A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
