You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
