She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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