dude i'm inner monologue high
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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