i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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