I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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